Bea Lewis

Q: I just learned that my son – age 19 - is gay. He told his mother some time ago, but was afraid to tell me because he feared I wouldn’t accept him. I was in shock when he finally told me, but then I read all the articles in the newspaper (and saw on tv) about all the teenagers who committed suicide because their families or their classmates didn’t accept them. I told him I loved him just the way he is, but asked that he give me some time to adjust to the news. I want to feel comfortable to talk about this with friends and family, but feel embarrassed to say anything for fear of their negative responses. Any suggestions?
 

A: It’s never easy to accept the loss of a dream for our children, whether it’s a gay issue, disappointing career decision, or just a way of life different from ours. But be pleased that your son felt secure enough to come out to you and that he can live his life honestly. “If at present you feel embarrassed to share the news with others, understand that unexpected or shocking news takes time to process before we are ready to tell others,’’ said psychologist Dr. Douglas Haldeman who specializes in gay and lesbian issues. “There is no timetable for when to do that,’’ he said. “Only you can decide when you’re comfortable enough to discuss the matter. When you are ready, though, begin by talking with a few trustworthy and supportive friends – it can help speed up the process of acceptance.’’