Bea Lewis

Q: Recently, the man I l live with (let’s call him Sam) was scheduled to undergo knee repair surgery. I had wanted one of Sam’s two grown sons, who both live in another state, to come to Florida for the surgery, but neither of them offered to be with us. I was outraged. Later I learned that Sam had told his sons they weren’t needed (Sam hates to feel he’s a bother to anyone) and that he and I would be fine without them. Now I am angry at him and feel taken advantage of.

A: Sorry, but these guys are not mind readers – nor are many people. You might feel angry because you thought they should know what your needs are, but forget that - the world just doesn’t work that way. Don’t waste your time on energy- zapping anger at them or Sam. Instead, in a calm and pleasant tone, call Sam’s sons and ask them to come for Sam’s surgery because you (and their dad) want their support and input. You may be surprised that when the sons feel they are needed, they might just step up to the plate and book the next flight to Florida. If not, at least you know what you are dealing with.