Bea Lewis

Q: My parents are divorced and each has a new mate. The problem is both my mom (and her new husband) and my dad (and his new wife) competes for my attention. For example, when I visit my father and his wife, my mother quizzes me as to when I am coming to see her – and visa versa. I spend my time trying to make them equally happy, but I am miserable. Any suggestions?

A: It’s not unusual for children of divorced parents to try to be equally loyal to both their mom and dad. But what a tough job! You sound like a devoted child, but frankly, your parents’ need for equal time is not your responsibility. Try this: first explain that you are stressed out from keeping things even steven. Instead map a plan that works best for you – Perhaps take turns with holiday visits – Thanksgiving at mom’s house; Christmas with dad. For the most part, if everyone knows in advance who’s going where and when – you might eliminate your parents’ constant request for a scorecard.