Bea Lewis

Q: My daughter Karen works full time and has two young children. I live nearby and offer to clean her messy home. She always refuses; I feel rejected. In my day, no self-respecting woman would leave the house in the morning unless the beds were made and the house was tidy enough for company to drop in at a moment’s notice. But then again, I didn’t work outside the home, so I had the time and the inclination to be the best homemaker on the block if not in the entire neighborhood! Why does she reject such a wonderful offer?

A: (Laurie) You may see it as a wonderful offer, but your daughter is defending her fear that you don’t think she is good enough to meet your white glove standards. In your generation there was a lot of emphasis on appearances – especially the way your house looked. Today’s working women have enough on their plates without the need to have a picture perfect house to meet THEIR MOTHERS’ STANDARDS. Back off, mom. This is your daughter’s house, her turf. She can run it any way she pleases. Go visit and be a guest in her home – and if the dust balls floating around the floor bother you, don’t look. Focus on what’s really important – having a warm and loving relationship with her.