Bea Lewis

My long-time friend, Sally, and I were having a leisurely, relaxing lunch at a restaurant on Atlantic Avenue in Delray Beach, FL. when all of a sudden Sally turned from laughing to almost crying and asked my opinion on an issue, she said, with which she was struggling.. 

I'm not sure whether I should get a Mother's Day card for my soon to be ex-daughter-in-law, you know, the bitch from hell. 

Why not, I asked? What can the harm be?

If my son sees the card  he might think I am siding with her in their nasty divorce proceedings.  Sally didn't have to explain as she and I go back to the days our children were little; I was at her son's bris. She didn't have to give me any details as to how pained she was over her son's marriage breakup or  her daughter-in-law's vicious behavior.  

I don't think your son would think that way; he knows you want to keep a pleasant relationship with your daughter-in-law  for the sake of seeing the two adorable little girls.  You could explain that to him, I suggested.  Too many grandparents don't get to see the grandchildren when there is a nasty  divorce. Daughters-in-law often will hold the kids as ransom. you don't want to risk that. A Mother's Day card is a simple way to keep connected, to let her know you still want to be the grandma in the picture without siding with her. . .

 The solution , I suggested, was to select a card that said Happy Mother's Day with a picture of a flower or something as nondescript as that.  Good idea, agreed Sally and off we went to a card shop down the block. 

We looked through rows and rows of Mother's Day greetings - some were gooey sweet, others were silly or too cutesy. Some thanked G-d for their wonderful mothers, a few were written in other languages.

Here's one in Polish, I said, surprised to see such a card in a town where either English or Spanish is spoken.  "Why would I get her a card in Polish; she won't understand it,'' said Sally. "WE know that. She doesn't understand very much, does she?"  Sally gave me that look which says "you are a little bit crazy,'' but we both had a good laugh which  lessened the tension Sally was feeling.   

After a good 20 minutes of looking through and carefully reading every card, Sally chose the card with a picture of two little girls playing a garden on the front cover and the inside just says "Happy Mother's Day.''   Perfect choice, I thought. Acknowledging the mother of her granddaughters without running the risk of alienating her son.

Do we always have to walk on eggshells, Sally asked. We've spent almost a half hour looking for the right card, not to mention the many sleepless nights I 've had deciding what to do. 

Sorry about the sleepless nights, I said. You're not the only one struggling to send the right card; it must be universal. Why else would there even be a card written in Polish?  

(PS. Sally is not the real name of my friend. I changed it, fearful her daughter-in-law might see this blog. I didn't  want to have sleepless nights worried  the young woman would get angry at me  for making her problems public. It's enough Sally walks on eggshells; I don't need to join her.)