Bea Lewis

At a talk I gave on September 20 to a  chapter of the Brandeis University National Women's Committee (BUNWC) in Delray Beach, Florida, a woman got up to ask why there weren't dresses ever advertised for the Mother of the Groom. She continued to say that when her son got married - and she went looking for a dress to  wear to the wedding - there were plenty of dresses earmarked for ' the mother of the bride' - but nothing for the mother of the groom.   

Her friend continued the conversation and said "that's because we are second class citizens.'' A chorus of other women agreed. 

A woman sitting in the front row at the meeting at Temple Sinai said that she was told by her soon- to- be- daughter-in-law ( and the girls' mother ) what type of dress to buy ( in this case it was a gown) and what color the dress should be   ( in this case it was a putrid purple) As the woman spoke I could see the anger clearly expressed on her face. (In fact you could say I saw steam coming out of her nostrils) She was so angry. She almost felt abused, she said. But she followed the guidelines set forth for the wedding, as she put it, of the century, and didn't make any waves. But she seethed a lot, she said. That was a good ten years ago - "the kids are still married-Thank heavens- but she still resents her daughter in law for the demands made on her.  

Weddings are for  the bride - she waits a lifetime to have her day in the sun - to be the shining star. I remember when my three daughters were little girls they would take a lace tablecloth I had (purchased on sale from Fortunoff's) and take turns being the bride. One always played the role of  maid of honor - and one had to be the groom ( for this they would take one of my husband's ties)  There were never any mothers of the bride or mother's of the groom - maybe that's how it should be - just two people who are in love getting married.  The only item of clothing that was imperative was that lace tablecloth which they wrapped around themselves. Anyone else who was playing with them could wear whatever they wanted. They were smart, those little girls. Only the bride wore something special - what anyone else wore simply didn't matter. Not one single bit. Not even a putrid purple gown.