Bea Lewis

Question: My wife and I will be hosting a Rosh Hashanah (Jewish New Year) dinner next month. I am Jewish, and my wife is Christian. We have two children who we are raising to celebrate both holidays.

The problem is my mother. She has never gotten over the fact that my children aren't being raised solely Jewish, and she makes no bones about it. Whenever she joins us for a holiday dinner she makes my wife uncomfortable when she is critical of her cooking. She also makes snide remarks to the children like, "Isn't it wonderful to have such lovely Jewish traditions with the best foods in the world.''

I called her recently to ask that she not make any comments to my wife or children, but to just come and enjoy the dinner. She got defensive and said it was her right to remind our children they were Jewish. And what was so terrible to tell my wife a better way to make her brisket? I want us all to have a pleasant dinner without having to sit on pins and needles waiting for her to make a remark that would make my wife uptight. Any suggestions?

Answer: You said what you had to say; too bad Mom isn't sensitive to you and your wife. Religious holidays often create tensions in mixed marriages. At times like this, take a walk in your mom's shoes to understand where she is coming from. She seems to be hanging on to her beliefs, which are very important to her. What she doesn't understand is that you, too, have a right to your beliefs and more so, when she's a guest in your home, she should leave her criticisms at home.

With that said, both you and your wife should relax and not take mom's comments so seriously, especially the one about the brisket! A far as telling the children that Jewish food is the best in the world, well, what's so terrible? When they advance from eating chicken nuggets and pizza, they will make that decision for themselves.

If Mom continues to create tension, have another one of those little talks. A dialogue could go something like this: "I know you wish I had married a Jewish woman and would be raising our children more to your liking. I respect your feelings, so please respect ours and let's make this holiday joyous for both of us."

Original Article in the Palm Beach Post Living