Bea Lewis

Q: My daughter-in-law asked me if I would like to split the cost for an expensive laptop for my son’s birthday. I loved the idea, laid out the money and assumed she would pay me her share as soon as possible. That was almost a year ago and my daughter-in-law still hasn’t offered to reimburse me for her share of the gift.

Every time we get together, my daughter-in-law acknowledges she owes me money, but never does anything about it. So each time I see her and she doesn’t hand over the money, I get a little angrier. Now I am seething. I want to tell her how insulted I am that she hasn’t given me the money I laid out for the gift, but I’m afraid she will be angry at me. Any suggestions?

A: You made a deal with your daughter-in-law and expected her to keep her word. But it also sounds as if you think she is withholding the money to hurt your feelings. Forget it – the longer you wait for her to give you what she owes you, the more you will seethe. Take the bull by the horn, so to speak, and tell her she still owes you $$$$ - and then calmly ask her when you can expect to receive it. Simple. No emotion. No hurt feelings. Straight forward. Done. If she is ticked off at your request, it has less to do with what you were asking for and more to do with her embarrassment – and after months and months of not living up to her end of the deal, well, it’s appropriate for her to feel that way.