Bea Lewis

With  almost fifty percent of marriages today ending in divorce, there are plenty of parents and grandparents dealing with the loss and anguish for the end of their adult children's marriage. Grief is a natural reaction to the end of your child's marriage; it's especially difficult if parents liked the their in-law child. 

Speaking to grandparents whose children have ended their marriage - there are a few issues that seem fairly universal. 

Guilt: Even though adult children are responsible for their decisions, it's an exercise in futility to question ourselves how we could have prevented the divorce, or even have discouraged their marriage in the first place. Don't waste your enegery on such fruitless thoughts;  try to steer yor energies in a more positive direction.  

Fear: One of the worst fears a grandparent faces is the fear of the loss of the relationship with the grandchildren. It's not unusual for a daughter-in-law to keep the children from seeing her ex-husband's parents. Be smart: never turn your back on an ex-daughter-in-law; she holds the keys to your prize possessions - your grandhchildren.

 Worry:  It's not unusual to have sleepless nights concerned about what the future holds for your children, the granchildren - and even you.   A divorce can impact change in location due to finances which can in turn affect a move further away from you. It always affects the emotional stability of the children, even though there might not be overt signs of difficulty right now.  It's best to focus on what is a constant right now - and that is to keep close ties with the grandkids - and assure them that their parents'  break-up is not their fault. It will help keep your sanity if you focus on the  things you can change and accept what you can't.